can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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