I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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