low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize