My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
