i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
