Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
