I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
