why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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