just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
