You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
