You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
