Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
