I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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