the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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