4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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