After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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