proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
