I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
