You made me cry and you don't even care
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
ttyl tear gas
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
