i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
