Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
