she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
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Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
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she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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