there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
