Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
