Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
