there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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