i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize