have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?