So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.