How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
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He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?