1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
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He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.