i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
