Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
