Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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