i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
