Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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