He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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