Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
