That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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