p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
