I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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