Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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