Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We don't watch enough power rangers
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
