He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
