I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
