Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
