"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
