My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Green mimosas i think yes
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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