P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
