Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
