Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
worst night to have a conscience
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
