hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Terrible idea I love it
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
