I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
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Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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