Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i need to put some appletini on your dick
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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