i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
