I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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