She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
